The Winter of My Content

Call it instinct, but I knew something was about to happen. Major shift. My horoscope said so, as though my gut wasn't already screaming it at me.

I suppose this can be an excuse for not blogging in lo these many months. But if it's any consolation, my beloved journal has also for the most part been set aside. I still record audio journal notes, but I admit this is as much laziness as me finding a new vehicle for relaying my life.

Granted, it could be I was not busy blogging because I spent a good deal of the last month in bed. Not depressed -- at least outwardly -- but really freaking exhausted. Here's been my routine for approximately the last two seasons: Wake up at around dawn. Get up, putter around, do exercises, read a book, go back to sleep for another 3-4 hours. Get back up, do work/the rest of the day's business, go back to sleep. Etc.

The last month, however, I have been sleeping more than usual. Strangely, I've not fallen behind on any work, nor have I retreated from society. It's just that when I'm home, I spend much of the time curled up in my cotton sheets and down comforter with an arm flung over my eyes to keep out the light. Perhaps my mind has taken an intercontinental trip and is on its own jet lag schedule, dragging my body along with it.

I should have snapped out of it by now. I mean, I have cable. With HBO. I didn't used to have cable. That is, I had just enough cable that I didn't have to watch the BBC World News through a haze of white noise. But now I can watch my sweet Comedy Central again. When I told my vur vur purty and dear friend I was upgrading my cable package, she said, "Welcome to the winter of your content."

She was right. Not so much about the cable, although I'm watching enough now to keep up with the decline of Western Civilization. (The whole entity of television is itself a program about this very subject.)

No, I've had a shift. Probably a leaping-off point. No wonder I'm exhausted.

I'm returning to India in February to do volunteer work in Rajasthan as a writer/performer through the Foundation for Sustainable Development. I have proposed a project to open a cultural center in Udaipur, the city where I will be placed. The idea of the center is a local gathering place where other NGOs (Non-government Organizations) can hold lectures and classes. Artists can use the stage space for their theatrical pieces/dances/film festivals. Local businesses can use the center for advertising. Teachers can provide courses for students of all ages. Local community groups can gather... You get the idea.

Now, this project may not happen. But so far there is a lot of good energy surrounding it and excitement about its potential. In the meantime, I will be placed with an NGO to do volunteer work for them (the official placement has not yet been made). While there, I can assess how best to launch the cultural center project*.

Also very nice is that I'll be in India for the Festival of Colors, Holi...and out of NYC for the Festival of "Holy crap it's still freezing outside." But most importantly, I will be able to lend the best skills I have to help other people. That's the shift, I think. It's not about me and my constant happiness anymore. Somehow the concern with satisfying my needs doesn't, well, satisfy anymore. Well, of course, I have needs. Please; I'm not martyring-out here. It has simply occurred to me that this trip, this kind of work, is the right thing to do.

So. Now I have another reason to get out of bed besides "The Daily Show." Nice, huh?

* I am not applying for any grants. If you'd like to make a donation to my program fees, any little bit will help. (Just click on the word "donation" in the last sentence.)


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PHOTO CREDITS:

• "Early Morning, Unmade Bed": Sally Strand (2006)
• Comedy Central's Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert
  
• Still from Deepa Mehta's "Water" (2006)