The Winter of My Content

Call it instinct, but I knew something was about to happen. Major shift. My horoscope said so, as though my gut wasn't already screaming it at me.

I suppose this can be an excuse for not blogging in lo these many months. But if it's any consolation, my beloved journal has also for the most part been set aside. I still record audio journal notes, but I admit this is as much laziness as me finding a new vehicle for relaying my life.

Granted, it could be I was not busy blogging because I spent a good deal of the last month in bed. Not depressed -- at least outwardly -- but really freaking exhausted. Here's been my routine for approximately the last two seasons: Wake up at around dawn. Get up, putter around, do exercises, read a book, go back to sleep for another 3-4 hours. Get back up, do work/the rest of the day's business, go back to sleep. Etc.

The last month, however, I have been sleeping more than usual. Strangely, I've not fallen behind on any work, nor have I retreated from society. It's just that when I'm home, I spend much of the time curled up in my cotton sheets and down comforter with an arm flung over my eyes to keep out the light. Perhaps my mind has taken an intercontinental trip and is on its own jet lag schedule, dragging my body along with it.

I should have snapped out of it by now. I mean, I have cable. With HBO. I didn't used to have cable. That is, I had just enough cable that I didn't have to watch the BBC World News through a haze of white noise. But now I can watch my sweet Comedy Central again. When I told my vur vur purty and dear friend I was upgrading my cable package, she said, "Welcome to the winter of your content."

She was right. Not so much about the cable, although I'm watching enough now to keep up with the decline of Western Civilization. (The whole entity of television is itself a program about this very subject.)

No, I've had a shift. Probably a leaping-off point. No wonder I'm exhausted.

I'm returning to India in February to do volunteer work in Rajasthan as a writer/performer through the Foundation for Sustainable Development. I have proposed a project to open a cultural center in Udaipur, the city where I will be placed. The idea of the center is a local gathering place where other NGOs (Non-government Organizations) can hold lectures and classes. Artists can use the stage space for their theatrical pieces/dances/film festivals. Local businesses can use the center for advertising. Teachers can provide courses for students of all ages. Local community groups can gather... You get the idea.

Now, this project may not happen. But so far there is a lot of good energy surrounding it and excitement about its potential. In the meantime, I will be placed with an NGO to do volunteer work for them (the official placement has not yet been made). While there, I can assess how best to launch the cultural center project*.

Also very nice is that I'll be in India for the Festival of Colors, Holi...and out of NYC for the Festival of "Holy crap it's still freezing outside." But most importantly, I will be able to lend the best skills I have to help other people. That's the shift, I think. It's not about me and my constant happiness anymore. Somehow the concern with satisfying my needs doesn't, well, satisfy anymore. Well, of course, I have needs. Please; I'm not martyring-out here. It has simply occurred to me that this trip, this kind of work, is the right thing to do.

So. Now I have another reason to get out of bed besides "The Daily Show." Nice, huh?

* I am not applying for any grants. If you'd like to make a donation to my program fees, any little bit will help. (Just click on the word "donation" in the last sentence.)


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PHOTO CREDITS:

• "Early Morning, Unmade Bed": Sally Strand (2006)
• Comedy Central's Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert
  
• Still from Deepa Mehta's "Water" (2006)

Chain-chewing for Peace

Well, the thing of it is that since the launch of the gentlefish productions website, I'm networking a lot. This is good.

My goal for the company -- and in fact my life -- is to promote peace. That may seem odd for a writing company to have as part of its mission statement, but I am not all that separate from my business, so when you hire me as a writer, you're hiring someone who you can be sure is treading gently on the earth.

I take the time to get to know clients so that I can better represent them and their passions. So, I'm aware that corporate clients may find gp, inc. to be a bit too crunchy granola for their tastes. But then again, if that's how they feel, I don't necessarily need their business.

See, the face of commerce is changing. Just take a look at the countless "anti-preneurs" who are cropping up with their sustainable companies that approach commerce with a human face. These are the people with whom I stand. I belong, in fact, to a wonderful network of forward-thinkers called zaadz.com. (I'm an ambassador for zaadz, as it happens, so do give it a look! You can find my profile at http://gentlefish.zaadz.com/.)

So, this feel-goodiness results in the fact that I'm torn between wanting to help out every potential client who mails me and making a living as a writer. Every time I give a potential client a price quote for a job, I think of the wandering poet-saints who owned nothing, slept in the moonlight, and gave their heartwords away for free.

Well, then I feel like crap. A little.

The result is that I'm chewing a lot of gum. This is in lieu of smoking a lot of Bali Shag loose tobacco. No matter how lovingly I roll my own cigarettes, it's still not so good to have this -- and the act of smoking them -- take up a large portion of my day.

The other option is the "red wine at noon" plan, but I don't have a good feeling about the future of that one...

Until then, I'll chain-chew for peace. And hopefully figure out a way to live somewhere between the moon and New York City.

The History of gentlefish productions.

I launched this writing business, gentlefish productions, ten years ago while living in New Mexico.

Technically, it started much earlier. As a kid I used to make birthday cards and such, and in order to make them look as professional as possible, I used to write a company name on the back. Like Hallmark, but not. So, I wrote: "A gentlefish production."

A lot of people ask me where "gentlefish" comes from. There's a poem I wrote when I was young that has line that reads, "fish are famous for their gentleness." It seemed like the obvious choice.

I developed this online journal as a way for clients and friends (and clients who are friends) to keep up with my work of late...and get to know me a bit better. Enjoy!