On Not Drinking Wine

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if I still had that GERD that I contracted while in India from being on Doxycycline for three months straight (to combat Malaria)? I was physically unable to enjoy my favorite beverage, red wine. In fact, the very thought of drinking made the bile rise into my throat. That led to a month-long period of alcohol abstinence that was only broken after I went off the antibiotics and allowed my system to get back to normal. (And I still developed a bad reaction to red wine; for two years afterward, I had sneezing fits after two glasses.)

I long for that handicap now. For now, I've decided to stop drinking without the aid of a biochemical adverse reaction. Dumbass.

I’ve had acupuncture, purchased little suck-me candies, promised myself vats of diet soda (but not taken myself up on the offer), tried meditating, doing work, walking, cleaning, and now blogging. And I still want a bleeding glass of wine. Or three.

Yeah, yeah, I’m trying to get pregnant. Yeah, yeah, I’m turning 40 in two months. But here’s one thing I know: Little French and Italian and Spanish writers-trying-to-start-a-family-at-40 types like me are not wasting their time not drinking wine. They’re enjoying life. I feel like a big Yankee Worrying Jerk.

I don’t even care if it’s wine. I’ll be happy with a vodka. Really happy. Like, so happy I’d stop this blathering and maybe go visit my husband downstairs who’s been away at work all day but who opened a well-deserved can of Tecate to drink with the dinner I made him and I had to leave the room before I burst into tears.

This trying-to-get-knocked-up-when-you’re-old stuff sucks. Sure, drinking is no good for anyone trying to get pregnant, regardless of age. Thanks, Dr. WebMD. But apparently the few eggs you have left in your basket when you’re pushing 40 are more easily pickled if you, say, continue to live the life you’ve enjoyed for the past 20 years (minus one month).

What am I doing? Shouldn’t I take up an age-appropriate interest like needlework or napping? Or crashing an AA meeting? Oh. I can’t: I gave up caffeine and smoking so I could get pregnant. That pretty much rules out fitting in at AA…

How about a punch in the face. Can I have one of those?

Photo: RAP and oldest friends, Patience Smith and wine [Credit: Patrick Smith, 1990]